


New York City, October 15th 2018

by thecosmicfragments



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Charmie, Forgive Me, Future, Heartbreak, M/M, PR stunt, Phone Calls & Telephones, Song Lyrics, Songfic, guess we’ll never know, is this what’s really happening?, like everything else, love is love, those guys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 02:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecosmicfragments/pseuds/thecosmicfragments
Summary: “Always?”“And after that!”“Well here, babe, look at you, and you with someone else,Turned out like all the others, leave me by myself,That's how it works I guess, and you like all the restGuess I can handle it, if that's the way it is”Motörhead - Rock’n’Roll





	New York City, October 15th 2018

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don’t know what to say.  
> Just sorry if this will make you feel sad, but I’ll be happy if this gives you a little hope♥️
> 
> Sorry for any major mistakes as I wrote this on my phone,on a very sad night when I was feeling a little bit (ok, a loooot down - guess,you know why/shrug!) 
> 
> A huge thank you to THE Queen, isitandwonder, for proofreading this for me and double checking that everything was flowing smoothly. You must know I feel honored! ♥️

 

It’s raining, and you just hung up with your publicist, the conversation replaying on an infernal loop in your head. 

_'It’s necessary, it needs to be done, you know that, Timmy. You worked hard to get where you are. Don't lose sight of what we're aiming for. We agreed on this. You agreed on this, remember?_

_'Do you remember?’_

You don’t think you do.

Where is this supposed to go? You seem to have forgotten. It doesn’t seem worthy all the hustle, worthy of losing something, _someone_ so precious and real... 

It’s raining, and for once you love the weather as rage and pain and sorrow tighten your chest. 

It’s all happening too fast, too soon. Too rushed. It’s not what you wanted, not what you dreamed of. But you also know by now that things don’t always go the way they are supposed to, the way they need to,the way you want them to. 

You feel like a river, striving to reach the open waters, a thousand and one deviations on your way. It doesn’t feel like a step in the right direction, because it’s not. It’s another detour, another NO ACCESS sign on your way  _home._

 

There are very few people you’d like to have around at the moment, and only one of them is in the same slippery spot as you. Also, unfortunately or not, it’s the one person that is making everything worse for you.  
 

Oh, to be done with everything and everyone and just be you, you, you and only you; true to your heart, true to your body, true to your soul.

 

True to this love.  
 

Unexpected, this love caught you unguarded, unprepared, you and him both unaware of what was happening, both hiding behind friendly camaraderie. 

 

Both tiptoeing around it for the longest time, and when you were finally able to allow those words leave your mouths, it was almost too late. Almost. 

Nature, Crema, Luca, Andre, him... they all found your weakest spot.  
 

It was just like your favorite movie, a phrase, a passage from your favorite novel, a song you used to love and just now learning how to sing again. With a new pitch, a new meaning, a new destination, a new heart. 

 

On this earth old millions and millions of years, populated by hundreds of thousands of people, fate and cosmos have chosen one single person for you to share your pains with. A person that would understand where you’re coming from, why you’re running scared; a person able to see the things that you’re frightened of, because this person is been freighted by the same things, struggling to fight the same battles, running from the same demons.

 

And now, something completely new and out of your control threatens to crush you again. You mentally whip yourself for being so weak, for being so incline to fulfill everyone else’s desires but your own.  
 

But you’re not doing this simply to protect yourself, you’re aware of that, even if it doesn’t make it any easier. You’re doing this to make things right, to protect two innocent kids from an ever increasing exposure, to protect your dream of building a name for yourself in this industry, to protect this love that might seem not  _right_ at this moment in time, but you know in the deepest part of yourself, in the most intimate part of your soul, that it will be one day.

  
This will be right one day, and all the struggles and machinations will be long forgotten, drowned out by the sound of the rain that is pouring down today on New York City.

  
With one difference: you will not be alone. Never again alone.   
 

You will turn to your side, stretch your arm and find the bed sheets still warm. Someone is up early today, you’ll think to yourself, smiling your sleepy smile.

 

You'll hear the click of the coffee machine starting the first pot of the day coming from the kitchen. Someone is making sure you start your day with your favorite thing. The strong aroma of Italian roast fills the air, the start of a new day in your new life. A less lonely life.

One filled with love.  
 

You will feign to be still sleeping to get your coffee in bed, that - stupidly in love smile- still plastered onto your face. The mug will be delivered by your person; that one in a hundred million person. The one that makes your days better, happier, perfect.

 

The one person you’re struggling to call right now. Because you’re not in that moment in time yet,  _this_  is not right today. You’re pretty sure that not even tomorrow will be a good day.  
 

But what else are you supposed to do? 

Who else are you supposed to run to?

Whose pain will match with yours other than this one person’s?  

So you go on autopilot.

Grab your mobile. 

Unlocking the screen your dreaming self from two years ago is wearing a white cap and is looking back at you.

Fingers tapping lightly over the pad, dialing the - oh so familiar - number.

 

One, two, three, four rings later you’re about to hang up when the sleepiest and huskiest of voices comes to invade your head from the other side of the country. 

 

“Hey... are you okay? Is everything okay?

 

“Hey yourself. No. Not really,no. But I’m sorry, I was in such a mood I forgot what time it is, go back to sleep. We’ll catch up later.”

 

You think that you don’t want to talk about this now, it would make everything you’re about to say too real, too definite.

Your voice betrays you on that freaking word every single time.  

Every  _later_  whispered on the phone, in hotel rooms, airport lounges, interviews, photo calls.  

 

“Hey, T, what’s wrong? Tell me, please. Hey...”

 

“It’s happening, man. It’s all fucking about to wreak havock, and I don’t want any of this.. I.. I.. I don’t know if I can...”

 

“Hey, shh. Breathe. It’s gonna be okay,T, remember? We talked about this. It’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay, we’re gonna see the end of this. Yeah? T, I promise...”   
 

“Okay.”

 

“We’re gonna make it...hey, you hear me? It’s okay.”

 

“You promise?”

 

“I fucking promise you, Tim. Fucking promise.”  
 

“Goodnight, Armie.”

 

“Good morning, T, I love you.”

 

“Say that again.”

 

“What? I love you?” 

 

“No, good morning...”  
 

“Good morning, babe.”

 

“Always?”  
 

“And after that.”

 

*call disconnected*

  
 

Armie Hammer Tweeted

River - Bishop Briggs

Rock & Roll - Motörhead 

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- leave a thought for me at the end - 
> 
> positive/negative/constructive comments are always welcomed,no matter what! 
> 
> \- we are the resistance - ;)


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